She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
