U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Randomize
