i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
