it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
