I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
