So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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