I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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