he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
