You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
