I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
