Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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