How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
