He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
