Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
