it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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