shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
