Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
