I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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