She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
