Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
