Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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