your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
