cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
