mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just invented taco cereal.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
