Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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