I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
soo... how was my night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
