At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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