We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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