New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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