An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
