i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
