Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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