I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
