Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They took my balls.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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