tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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