she takes plan B like it's going out of style
high people should be assigned attendants
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
