Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
