the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
where are you?
Hypothermia
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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