I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
