I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
