Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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