yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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