I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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