no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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