At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
