She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
