States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
