oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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