Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
