i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
