new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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