I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
