So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
