biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
