I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
