i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
