I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Barsexuality is the new black.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
