I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
