i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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