You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
