How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need water and some morals
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
